Finally Got That Phone Call

Yesterday was Sunday, and I had spent the last 8 hours finishing up my taxes. I'd been on the phone a few times with Mom, who had let me know that Dad had been unresponsive for the last day or so, but there was still nothing new to report.

After putting the final touches on my tax report, I kissed my wife and son, and hopped in the car to go drop the report at my father-in-law's house (he's our tax guy). I called my friend, Brian, to chat a bit, during the 3 minute drive. As I was talking to him, I got a beep...it was Mom.

I hustled to switch over, and it went something like this:

"Mom?"

"Son...Dad passed away...and I'll get back to you."

"Um...OK. Love you, Mom."

"Love you too. Bye."

And there it was. Dad's finally gone. His spirit has left us, and we are left to navigate this world without his particular brand of country wisdom, his humor, and quiet strength.

Mom's probably the toughest woman I've ever met, but I could tell that she wasn't up for a lot of emotional conversation. She tends to plow forward, do what needs to be done, and bury herself in tasks that keep her focus away from more unpleasant thoughts. She'll cry when she has time and privacy to do so. That's just how she rolls. All the arrangements have been made, everything's already handled, and now all that's left is to head to Paynetown, TX for Dad's funeral. That's this Wednesday at 2pm, by the way.

So I dropped off my tax information and headed home. I stopped at the video store to try for Zohan, but it wasn't there. I settled for Leatherheads, thinking that humorous movies will be in demand around our house for awhile. When I got home, I quietly let Christina know that Dad was gone, and we decided to tell Connor later...no sense in making it harder for him to go to sleep. As we finished up our day, I noticed that things were different. Before I had left the house, Dad was still around. Quiet, no doubt, but still around. By the time I had returned, he was gone. Different...and I felt the difference.

Today was to be my triumphant return to teaching. I got up and worked out as soon as I could get started. That accomplished, I fumbled around and tried to remember what else I was supposed to be doing. I was still doing that when Amy, one of my fantastic assistants, called to see why I had missed our meeting at 11am. Crap.

You see, when I'm preoccupied or stressed, two things happen to me: I have trouble making decisions, and I forget things. I had forgotten our meeting.

25 minutes later, I made it to my school to meet with the fabulous Amy to discuss the idea of having a tournament for our junior students. Mom called briefly during the meeting to give me the final funeral arrangements, and then we got back to our discussion. As we finished that up, and my daytime class approached, Amy graciously offered to take the class for me. Apparently, it was obvious that I'm distracted, absent, and not altogether ready to get back to teaching.

Well, she was right. I let her handle that class, and the evening classes with Mark as well, and I came home for the day. We picked up Connor from school, and I sat him down and gently told him about Grandpa's passing. Although he was sad about it, kids are pretty resilient, and he went back to being a kid again almost immediately.

I'm having a slightly rougher time of it, I suppose. I mean, I have no regrets about my relationship with Dad. The week I spent with him during his last days was more meaningful than I can convey, and we parted on the best possible terms. I had accepted his imminent passing, as had he, and figured that I'd be fine.

There's just a touch more finality to this whole thing now. And there's an emptiness that I didn't quite expect. There's no denying that it's there, and it's bugging me. Since it's still pretty new, I'm not that adept at dealing with it yet, although I can say that bowling doesn't help all that much (but that's another story).

I have the feeling that the funeral will bring a certain amount of closure, which will be good for all three of us. There are many ways to deal with my feelings, and I plan to cycle through each of them until I find the best combination of working out, reading, writing, working, playing, meditating, talking, listening, and riding Dad's scooter (which will be here soon). While I'm doing that, I hope that my friends and students will be able to tolerate me until I'm back on my emotional feet.

So if I seem preoccupied, distant, or absent, and if I don't answer emails or messages, please don't take it personally. I've always been good at dealing with my emotions, and although this might take some extra muscle, I'll be fine. Christina's offered to wait on me hand and foot for awhile...who wouldn't feel better with an offer like that on the table?

Take care, everyone. Go hug someone you love, and I'll get back to you.