Just musing.

It's rare that I post here anymore. I generally post things as they happen on my facebook page, pics and comments, the usual, and so I've let this blog sit, unused, for months at a time. I do miss writing, though. It's fun, and helps me impose order on the whirlwind of thoughts that's whooshing through my head at any given time.

I'm 43 now. Wow. When I say that, my thoughts automatically turn towards my physical capabilities and how they compare to what I was what I might have been 20 years ago. I'm fairly pleased, but certainly not satisfied. Aside from that, I think about the fact that I'm inching up on a time when I'll have fewer days ahead of me than behind me. I have no idea when that might be, honestly. My dad lived to be 81 before he finally found a cancer that he couldn't manhandle, so if I were going to only live that long, I'm already on the downhill side. That's a sobering thought, even if I consider that because my lifestyle and habits differ from his, I'll probably hang on a bit longer. I always say that I'm on the 120 year plan because I've just got that much stuff to do.

I think back on the steps I've taken in my life up to this point, the people I've known, things I've done, the places I've been (though I don't travel much), and I think about having an empty slate ahead of me that might be at least as big as the one that holds all of my previous experience. That's one big-ass slate. I've got tons of chalk here, lots of different colors. I've got a stool so that I can reach the highest, far corners of it, and fill that slate with, well, whatever I want. To be honest, the thought of such a vast, pristine board can be a little bit intimidating. But in my finer moments, OH! how wonderful that can be, too!

What do I want that board to look like when I expire? When I look back at the things I've put on that board, what do I want to see? I just had my birthday, and thoughts like this usually come around this time, and I've had many folks ask me if somethings wrong, or am I ok...yes, I am ok. I'm just thinking, and that frown is my thinking face.

Life goes on whether I figure it out or not...it's just up to me to either reach out and make something happen or just drift along, doing the same old-same old.

I must say that I feel something coming. I'm no Sage, or wizard, and I don't pretend to see any future ahead except for goals that I set and pursue, but like the pressure in the air before a storm, I feel a change on the wind. That pressure isn't a bad thing, as storms aren't necessarily bad things at all...a wise teacher once told me that a thing is neither bad nor good, it simply IS. We attach meaning to such things based on our own experience. Well, whatever may be ahead, I think it'll end up a good thing. I plan to make it so, whatever it is. There are a million ways to live a life, and I can only live mine as best I can. So that's what I'll do. And in the end, I'm pretty sure I'll have a pretty interesting slate to look at.